Cliff Clavin's Take on Climate Change: A "Little Known Fact" Extravaganza

Dean Muller, President,

If you were to sidle up to the bar at Cheers and ask Boston's most dedicated mailman, Cliff Clavin, for his thoughts on climate change, you'd best settle in. What would follow would undoubtedly be a meandering monologue, brimming with "little-known facts," dubious statistics, and an unwavering conviction that he, and he alone, possesses the proper understanding of the matter.

"Well, now, listen up, everybody, cause Cliff’s got the real scoop on this 'climate change' hullabaloo," he'd likely begin, adjusting his postal uniform and taking a sip of his beer. "It's a little-known fact, you see, that the Earth, much like a good postal route, goes through its cycles. You get your morning deliveries, your afternoon deliveries, and sometimes, well, you get a few unexpected packages. And that's what this 'climate change' is."

He'd then lean in conspiratorially, lowering his voice just enough to ensure everyone within earshot could still catch his every word. Cliff would then probably pivot, perhaps to a historical anecdote, no doubt equally skewed. "And don't even get me started on EV car! He might even delve into the economics of it all, with his unique brand of postal-worker logic. "And these electric cars? Don't get me wrong, a fine piece of machinery, I'm sure. But you know what they don't tell ya? The amount of electricity those things consume to charge up is enough to power a small town for a week! It's a zero-sum game, folks; it's just about shifting energy consumption from one place to another. It's like rerouting a mail truck to avoid a puddle, only to drive it straight into a sinkhole two blocks down the line!"

As the Cheers patrons exchanged weary glances, Frasier Crane rolled his eyes, turned to Cliff, and said, “What color is the sky in your world?” This seems to hit Cliff like a wet rag in the face; it brings him back some sense of reality. He seems to acknowledge that there is some merit to this thing called climate change, and that the fossil fuel industry has been polluting our air and water with carbon dioxide. Cliff would likely conclude with a flourish, his chest puffed out with self-satisfaction. It's all about cycles, natural order, and potholes if you ask me. Now, who's going to buy the next round? Because a man's gotta stay hydrated when he's dropping knowledge bombs like these!"

And with that, Cliff Clavin would settle back, confident that he had once again enlightened the unenlightened, leaving everyone at Cheers to wonder if he was brilliantly insightful or simply, well, Cliff.